just sayin.

resilience
re·sil·ience [ ri zíllyənss ] or re·sil·ien·cy [ ri zíllyənssee ]

Definition:
1. speedy recovery from problems: the ability to recover quickly from setbacks

2. elasticity: the ability of matter to spring back quickly into shape after being bent, stretched, or deformed

in repair.

i have you, but i don't want you. but only sometimes. i don't have you, but i want you. i'm the most independently dependent person ever. one second i'm clingy. the next i don't want you around. i have my own friends, but i want to meet all of yours. i always get my feelings hurt, but i'm tough as nails. i just want to be needed. i will be in control and fix everything. i cry alot and secretly long to have kids, but i want to run away to a big city and start this whole thing called life over all by myself. i want you there. i want you to wipe away my tears. i don't ever want you to see me cry. i've got this. i'll make my own money and buy everything myself. take me out to dinner and treat me nice. just hold me for a while. not too tight.

i say yes, but i mean no.

and i say no, but i mean yes.

fire.

i am overly excited to be driving 117 minutes to see someone that completes me.

 when i'm sinking in quick sand, there's a short list of people i would call to rescue me.
she's no doubt one of them.

{although, we would stop the life saving process to put on some good tunes just to make the story a little more interesting}.

i'd like to say it was fate that put us in the same psychology class in high school. but truthfully it was probably my lack of motivation my senior year+sarah's ideals of looking more intellectual her sophomore year. regardless that child has been my life boat since then.

 you know when all things seem to just make sense after a while? when things come full circle?
{our friendship is my full circle moment.}

we talked the first day of class because we had to decide what we would do+bring on a deserted island..

..6 years later she is the first thing i would bring.

she knows my every secret+i am a locked vault filled with hers.

{boys driving my lime green bug in boxers. big momma sausages. woodmoor lake,  boyfriends. fire. cereal in the back of trucks. rice hall. underage drinking. porch swings. leather chokers. fold out couches. multiple boyfriends. just one particular boy. painted fingernails. art. home cooked meals. shared beds. music.}

without those memories and sarah, i wonder who i would be..

the cars have changed, the boys have changed, ages of changed, but not our friendship.

some friendships do indeed last forever.

and for your listening pleasure.

"when we first met we were young, we were wild.."

my heart.

phillip.

life is tricky and it can be downright messy. so i decided to embark on a new challenge.

 here are tips+things i love+promises for you.

don't worry, i have a lifetime to complete it.

+i will never get tired of holding you.

+you will never be too big for the spanking spoon.

+your summer buzz cut.

+one day you will learn the right words to "head and shoulders" but right now your version: "head and shoulders in the back" is way too awesome to correct.

+i am your biggest fan.

+don't share your sugar with too many girls.
+don't share "i love you" with too many girls.
+however, you can always shower me with sugar and i love you's.
+don't follow the crowd.
+you can never be too overprotective of your sister.
+i will never judge you.
+keep your word.
+i will always read to you. even if its your college textbooks.
+look outside the box+color outside of the lines.

+i will never get mad when you pitter patter in my room at 6am.
+you won't always be the strongest or the fastest. but you can be the toughest.
+i will always hug+kiss you. even when you pull away.
+remember, ellyn will always look up to you.

.
+i promise to be at every football+soccer+baseball+basketball game you play in

+or every dance recital+figure skating event+concert+school play you're ever a part of.
+learn how to play the drums. we'll start a band.
+yes mam. no sir. no exceptions.
+i will always give you want you want. especially when everybody else says no.
+notice the little details.
+dance to your own beat.

+i will never miss a birthday.+draw what you see. not what you think there is.

+i will drop you off+pick you up on your first day of kindergarten.

+i will fill your ipod with good music.
+learn "the look". it means back off.
+parents are amazing.
+grandparents are even better.

+but your aunt will always be your partner in crime.

+i will never stop saying i love you.

take my hand. before we cross the street..